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Onion Recipe

  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tsp onion
  • 2 onions
  • 3 onions
  • 1 onion, julienned
  • 3 cups onion
  • 1 chopped onion
  • 1/2 onion, grated
  1. Combine onion, onion, onions, onions, onion, onion, and onion. Reserve onion for garnish
  2. Fry together
  3. Serve, garnish with reserved onion.

Red Sweater


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Stunt Husband

Minesweeper_expert__under_150s_by_blastegIf I had to compare relationships to a Windows game, and I often do, it would be Minesweeper. At first, you’re sitting there, alone, plodding away, just waking up to go to sleep. Then you start to feel bored or distracted, so you fire up Minesweeper. Sure you can choose the “easy” difficulty setting, and you’ll go through the motions. You might spot a few problem areas at the outset, but give those solitary mines a wide berth, and in a minute or two you’ll be done. But will you be satisfied? I have a theory that you will not.

Alternatively, you can choose the “expert” difficulty setting, because you’re feeling ambitious and it’s the right time for you. And yeah, at first it’s just like the easy difficulty setting. A few nice swaths of clear spaces open up, you’re full of hope and confidence. You see a few mines, and flag them so you remember not to click there. Increasingly, you are required to use incredible amounts of deduction to figure out where the next mine might be. But for the most part you just wander around, clicking, and hoping, foolishly, that eventually all those mines will sort themselves out. Then, when you get to the end, and all the fun has been had, it often comes down to a 50/50 guess. Just like relationships.

So obviously the problem with relationships is that there are too many mines. And often we find ourselves stepping on the same mines over and over again. How often have you and your loved one nearly come to blows over the following things:

  • How long to boil an egg
  • The definition of “third cousin twice removed”
  • Whether it’s okay to wash coffee grounds down the sink
  • Who will be listed as the “dependent” on the tax return
  • Whether to have children
  • If one should wash mushrooms
  • Who calls whom more often
  • What does “that” mean

If any of these problems seem familiar to you, you might be in need of a Stunt Husband. What’s a Stunt Husband you might say, and more importantly how much would they charge per hour? A Stunt Husband is a person, me, who steps in at the right time to have your arguments for you.

Working with little to no script, I am able to improvise a wide variety of arguments, all while avoiding any sensitive topics or admitting any blame whatsoever on your behalf. Save yourself the time and energy of a long protracted disagreement and go read a book, rollerblade to the park, or spend some time neglecting your children. Your partner will feel more free to criticize me (you) without you present, you won’t have to endure the berating, and I won’t take anything personally. This process encourages a more honest and complete type of communication in your relationship.

I offer standard and emergency services. If you know you will be attending a wedding or spending a weekend together camping and an argument is inevitable, it is possible to request me on standby for only a percentage of my regular fee. In person arguments are how I prefer to work, but I am also willing to have fights by phone, text, or Skype, for you. My services are entirely confidential, and if you remain unsatisfied after the first session, I will return half of your money back, no questions asked.

So the next time you “need to have a talk” or are asked if “everything is okay” give me a call, so you don’t end up playing Solitaire.









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